Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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