there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
