Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(571): View more from Virginia

non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.

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(469): View more from Texas

I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip

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(305): View more from Florida

you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store

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(727): View more from Florida

I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"

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(763): View more from Minnesota

I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me

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(908): View more from New Jersey

She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now

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