I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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