Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
