did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
There's even glitter on my cock...
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