Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
