I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
