i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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