She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
