Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
