I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Two words: nipple clamps
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