i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
