Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
