Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
