Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
