you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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