i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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