Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Still dying that you shit outside
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
