what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
