Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Im part way to drunk.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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