sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
