the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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