Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
