btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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