i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
