I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
