Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
