I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
