He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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