Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
