Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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