awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
