Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
