Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
