Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
