and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
