Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
