I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize