This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
