So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
