i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Drunk is a universal language darling
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
