this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
