Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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