i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
