I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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