my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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