im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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