it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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