WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
