just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
