My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
