i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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