I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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