she was so not down for the gang bang
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
