If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize