Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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