omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
