just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
