Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize