i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
