this beer tastes like vomit already
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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