Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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