ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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