Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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