is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
