since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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