the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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