after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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