At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
